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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Very Hungry Zombie

I got a complaint this blog hadn't been updated in awhile. It isn't because I haven't thought of anything, I have so many topics I'd like to pick your lovely brains on. But the writing it in such a way as not to terribly offend by thought or spelling has been a pain under the current circumstances. SO. Here is a pretty thought for today. Remember this book?

Yeah. I figured. Since everyone seems to be writing cookie cutter formulaic crap that is basically someone else's book and plot- well, hot damn!- I should too. So I'm going to write a children's book called.


On the first day, the zombie ate 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar's' brains and it tasted good. But the zombie was still hungry.

On the second day, the zombie ate a mouse's brain. And it was mousy. But, oh boy! He was still hungry.

On the third day, he found road kill. Yum! So he just kept eating and eating. Brains galore! Ant eater brains, wolf brains, cute little pea sized robins brains , and even sasquash brains! But he was still hungry.

On the fifth day, he climbed the Seattle space needle and looked around at all he could see. People. He saw people. So he climbed back down and ate people brains. Lots of them.

On the sixth day, he wandered to Texas and hot damn darn! He found a crazy southern man pointing a gun at a guy who had a fro and pants hanging to his knees! Despite their skin colors, their brains tasted the same, but their racism gave him indigestion and his tummy hurt. So he went and wrapped himself up in a coffin of wood deep down beneath the dirt.

On the seventh day, he awoke. And he was no longer a zombie! No sir. He was a sparkly vampire!

The End.

The next book in the series would be called: The Very Thirsty Vampire.

**All comments and critiques are welcome, but unnecessary. I'm a rich b*tch and hollywood is printing this up becuz ya'll like my kinky hair, fake boobs, and faux rattle snake skin boots.

©JodiMacArthur, 2010


  1. you are evil..in the best way. Oh Jodes I just love your caterpiggle eating zombie tales..

  2. Cool children's story...I especially loved the cover. The zombie climbing the Space Needle was a nice touch and I'm glad there was a bit of 'social conscience' stuff about him learning about racism. I'd pick the zombie as a protag over a sparkly vamp any day of the week.

    Note: please post photo of you boots...

  3. Mike ~ caterpiggle hahaha!

    Alan~ Yaeh, the space needle thing. I've always thought if I were a critter in the city, that would be the first place I'd go. Show me your guns and show you my boots! (haha)

    Thanks guys. I was feeling rather cynical last night. I guess it is amusing enough.

  4. You are never without imagination. Racism is a tough one to swallow. I wonder what the vampire will enjoy sucking the most?
    Always good to see your posts!

  5. TY, Erin. Ha. There are lyrics to a Smashing Pumpkin's song, "The World Is A Vampire" I always wanted to put that on a front of t-shirt. then on the back have the world globe with fangs and underneath it would say "Because it sucks!" Sort of dystopian, but I'd wear it. ;-)

  6. I just love autobiographical writing ;-)

  7. Shut Up, Sean! You gave my secret identity away! ;-)

  8. Most excellent kiddie lit! "If You Give a Zombie a Head" might be the next book in your line up. Great cover art, too. You are a very wicked woman ;^) Peace...

  9. Love ya, girl! And ha ha, great title. I'm gettin' myself a line up of books here. ;-)

    All of yuo are wonderful for puttin up with me!

  10. As long as I ain't sparklin, John! Thanks bud.

  11. Love it ... I could totally see it as a parody!! What a creepy cover pic!! Eeesh.

  12. Yeah huh! I love creeping yuo out, Ant. ;-)

  13. Bwahahahah! Thanks for the laugh, dear.

    I'm glad no one told me this one when I was on the caterpillar age. uh (lol)

  14. LOL. Thanks Mari! Catepillars have to be scared out of their caccoons, otherwise they'd stay nice and snug forever. ;p (hee!)

  15. I work at a library where this book crosses our desks on a regular basis...I like your book much better! ;)

  16. Ha! Zombie promotion by the librarian, can it get any better? Thanks for stopping by, Lana. ;-)