Welcome to the Blahh…Og of a demented writer

*

Speak Your Mind

*


Friday, June 4, 2010

WWFI - Wonder Woman Fatal Impact

I awoke in the middle of the night to something scampering up my arm. I screamed and brushed it off. I could hear it scuttle on the sheets. I gave them one rapid shake, then the scratchy scuttle noise was on the hardwood floor. I reached over and turned on my lamp to see a GIANT ROACH THE FREAKING SIZE OF MY HAND run to a towel I had thrown on the floor the evening before (this is why you should always put your laundry inside the laundry hamper).

As I got out of bed and was trying to decide what to do, it slithered out of the towel and made a dash for the door. This surprised me since usually once they find a dark place to hide they stay put. I grabbed my super nifty wonder woman notepad I keep beside my bed, aimed, and threw it as hard as I could. To my extreme amazement it splatted the thing dead on. Guts smeared across the floor. I felt like a ninja crackin' out the moves. We're talking 3 or 4 am folks!

I typically have a rule, if its bigger than my thumb I suck it up with the vacuum hose. In this case, it was too splatted to suck up. So I had to do the Kleenex thing, which really grossed me out because the antennas twitched. *Yikes* I hate that.

Anyway, I just felt like I needed to get that out of my system. And you guys wonder why I write about bugs so much. Nothing like the wilds and wonders of Texas. Thanks for reading.

13 comments:

  1. aw man... I HHHHAAATTTTE bugs. I have these things on my bottom floor... Mind you, it's finished and not a basement in the least. But when the weather gets warm, they come out:

    http://www.stlzoo.org/images/cave_cricket.jpg

    ick... I'm calling the exterminator on Monday. If we don'r sprinkle the killing dust, they come back. I feel your pain, Jodi...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Crickets! Oh man, those things just jump at you. And they've long long legs like spiders. Yes, call the exterminator. Ugh! I get those in my bathroom cabinets. The big black ones.

    There's so many nooks, crannies, and cracks in this old place it's impossible to keep the critters out (although I like the geckos- very cool, plus they eat the bugs).

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ick...They sure make them bugs big in Texas. Your moth picture reminds me of going into work one morning and a coworker had a moth on the keyboard...I mean it mostly covered up the keyboard it was so big...if there were geckos here, they would need to wear tiny sweaters.

    ReplyDelete
  4. 3am Wonder Woman Ninja Roach Killer. Excellent.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yes! Exactly Alan. Texas size. Crazy about that moth on the keyboard. That moth up above was the size of a small bird, I'd never seen anything like it. Amazing. It was larger than my hand. Haha about sweaters for geckos. ;p

    Sean. I'm going to make a t-shirt that says that.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm glad I've already eaten my breakfast.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Uggh, I hate spiders, bugs of any kind. I had one such last week scuttling across my kitchen floor. I used the vacuum cleaner to make it disappear, but unfortunately felt so guilty afterwards!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I hope you checked your breakfast for creepy crawlies first, Barry.

    Olive- If it comes down to You vs Bug. The bug has to be the one to go. If it makes you feel any better I have dozens (if not thousands) of jumping spiders merrily leaping in my yard. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  9. You'll have to try a lot harder than that to make me puke, Jodi ;)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Are you saying squirming creepy crawlies in your oatmeal wouldn't make you...YOU KNOW

    ReplyDelete
  11. Just remember, there is no such thing as one roach...sleep tight.

    ReplyDelete
  12. HAHAHA. Actually, this would be considered a 'water or tropic' roach. They aren't the ones to be concerned about. The small ones are the buggers you find in nasty places. The problem is there's so many nooks and crannies in this old home, so all the bugs get in (scorpions are the worst! Well, maybe trantulas). Huge gap under the front door. I need to replace. In fact, I think just about everything needs to be replaced. Ugh.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Jodi -- OMG, I'm so sorry I missed this post last week! You should have seen the size of the black widow spider we had in our garage about 2 years ago, just climbing up our gas can....

    ReplyDelete